The Birth of Lachlan Nicholas

First moments with Lachlan

It was just three weeks ago that we welcomed our sweet boy to this world. Though I wish I could post daily updates, pictures, thoughts, feelings and observations, my first priority is to write his birth story before it fades from my memory.

I had an appointment with my obstetrician, Dr Lucy, on Monday, June 4 at 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant (nine days overdue). I was nervous about this appointment because I knew it would involve a discussion about an induction and the inevitable end of this pregnancy. Some women are desperate to give birth after 41 weeks of pregnancy, but my fear of the birth and general good health left me feeling reluctant to rush things.

Many doctors don't allow their patients' pregnancies to extend beyond 7 - 10 days overdue so I was relieved when my doctor indicated that she would let me wait until Friday (13 days overdue) until she would induce labor. That would allow baby four more days to come on his own if he was ready.

The doctor did an internal exam and told me that I was one centimeter dilated and also did a quick membrane sweep (separating the amniotic sac from the cervix to get labor started if the baby is ready). None of us thought that less than 24 hours later, our boy would have arrived.

After weighing and measuring

In the hours after the appointment I began to experience mild cramps. I knew this might happen after the membrane sweep and managed the pain with panadol and my heating pack. As evening turned into night, though, the pain only increased and by midnight I suspected that this was the real deal. I had read that pre-labor can go on for days so I decided to let Mickey sleep and wandered out into the living room. I had every intention of watching one of my favorite shows, but when I flipped on the TV, the Kardashians were on and I didn't change the channel. The Kardashian reality show was followed by another featuring Clint Eastwood's wife and daughters and still I didn't change the channel. It's funny what makes sense during labor.

By 3:30 I woke Mickey and asked him to start timing the contractions. We phoned our doula Gaby and she told me to have something to eat and also to rest. My mom prepared some scrambled eggs, buttered toast and grilled cheese, but I could only get a couple of bites down. The contractions grew longer and slightly more frequent so we phoned Gaby again and told her to please head our way.

She arrived at 7am and I told her that I wanted to go to the hospital right away. Gaby usually encourages women to labor at home as long as they can because going to the hospital sometimes slows labor down when women leave their comfort zone. Also, the hospital sometimes puts you "on the clock" and expect your labor to make a certain amount of progress over certain periods of time.

I didn't care about either of those things, though, because the contractions were painful and difficult and I couldn't imagine dealing with them while Gaby navigated morning traffic. Looking back on it now, there was a funny moment when we entered the elevator and found two men already in it presumably leaving home for work. It was pretty obvious from my girth and expressions where we were going and my mom made a joke about getting stuck in the elevator together. I contemplated that possibility for a moment and then said, 'Mom, don't even joke about that.' Mickey and Gaby placed a plastic sheet and towels down in the back seat of her car (in case my water broke) and away we went to the hospital. Fortunately for me, the roads were clear of traffic and we arrived relatively quickly at 8am.

Papa Lachie time

The next couple of hours are kind of blurry for me (literally because I took off my glasses and have poor eyesight). I do remember a very uncomfortable internal exam not just because of overwhelming contractions, but also because I had to lie on my back for the midwife to be able to do the exam and even reclining, let alone lying on my back hadn't been comfortable for months. On the plus side, though, the exam revealed that I was 6cm dilated, a cause for celebration. This piece of news confirmed that my labor was not only for real (I had a lingering fear that they'd send us back home and tell me I wasn't actually in labor), but that it was progressing well.

I asked the midwife to show me how to use the gas (nitrous oxide that you breathe during contractions) and was thrilled that it did indeed take the edge off the pain. The whole situation felt almost bearable when I hopped into the tub and alternated between sucking on the gas intake tube and my blackberry flavored lollypop. Mickey had read in his childbirth-for-blokes-type book that a dad took a hit of his wife's gas while she was in labor and he was working on a tricky crossword puzzle. He claims that the gas cleared his head and allowed him to complete the puzzle easily so, of course, Mickey had to give it a try.

After a couple of hours in the tub, it felt like even the gas and warm water weren't cutting it in terms of pain relief and I felt the sensation to push. My doctor confirmed that I was 9cm dilated and it was nearly push time. I hung out on a chair for a while until my water broke. I wanted more pain relief, but the midwife and my doctor told me that by the time the anaesthetist could administer an epidural, the baby would already be here. Prior to the labor I had feared this sort of 'it's too late for drugs situation,' but my team kept telling me that I could do it. I was more disappointed when I learned that I couldn't use the gas during push time. During our antenatal class at the hospital, they showed a woman doing exactly this and so it came as a surprise that I couldn't breathe the gas while pushing. In hindsight, though, my doctor was right that I would not have pushed as effectively on the gas so this was ultimately the right decision.

I pushed in a standing position for perhaps half an hour before the doctor and midwife encouraged me to hop up on the bed on my knees while leaning against the front of the bed which they had elevated. I gripped my mom's arms while Mickey massaged my back through the pushes. Mickey had a look down at the business end of things and told me he could see a small fraction of the baby's head. I remember thinking, 'if this is what it feels like when they see a fraction of baby's head, this isn't going to work.' I told the doctor this by saying, 'I don't think there's enough room!' She assured me that there somehow was and at 1:02pm, our baby was born.

I grabbed him first and turned into a seated position before Mickey and I looked and learned that he was in fact a boy. My family and friends knew that we were hoping for a girl, but we were thrilled with our sweet healthy boy. He cried a little, but didn't scream. He looked up at me wide eyed while I held him on my chest.  I thought I would be the one to cry with emotion and relief, but it was too surreal. Instead I found myself saying, 'are you my baby?' as I looked in his eyes.

Lachlan and Sidney were at the top of our names list for boys. I preferred Lachlan and Mickey favored Sidney. I also loved Sidney, but worried that as he grew up, that name would be considered a girl's name. I looked at Mickey and asked if he could be Lachlan and I don't think Mickey could have refused me anything at that point, poor guy. His second name is Nicholas after my brother.

First bath

I continued to hold Lachie while they delivered the placenta, Mickey cut the cord and the doctor stitched my tear. My mom was surprised that the nurses didn't clean Lachlan up, but the general wisdom these days is to allow the baby to keep the smells of the womb on their bodies. We wiped him, but didn't actually bathe him for three days. Likewise, I didn't jump in the shower until after Lachie and I had some bonding time.

Our stay at the hospital and hotel and Lachie's first days deserve a separate post. For now, I just wanted to reflect on his birth and express my gratitude to the friends and family who were physically there with me and those who were there with me in spirit. I drew a lot of strength from the positive energy I felt from those on my birth team: the midwife, the fantastic doctor Lucy, my doula Gaby who knew exactly what I needed at each phase, my mom and, of course, Mickey. He never once made me feel gross and instead told me how very proud of me he was. Though Lachie's birth was challenging and painful, it was also incredibly positive and empowering.

Best Baby Shower of All Time

Me and Jennie, hostess extraordinaire

Last month, Jennie hosted the most beautiful, personal, thoughtful and delicious baby shower of all time in my honor. She, Thor and others put in a tremendous amount of work to make my penguin-themed, high tea shower incredibly special and fun and I couldn't be more grateful.

Everything from the handmade penguin and snowflake decorations, to the baby trivia game, to the fabulous gluten free high tea goodies was elegant and perfect. Indeed, it's hard to imagine that Jennie spends her 9 - 5 hours crunching numbers when her talent for putting on the perfect party is this exceptional. She occupies a unique category of person that I made up to describe her: saint genius. A saint genius is someone who is both incredibly kind, patient and generous (saint) and also brilliant at the same time (genius). If you need help decorating your holiday table, assessing your finances, hemming your trousers, deciding where to go on holiday, hanging pictures, relationship advice or basically anything, Jennie is your lady.

The highlight of this already amazing shower was connecting to my friends in San Francisco and mom in LA who were all celebrating in their own way live via webcam. We encountered some of the normal problems that come with video chat: for a while we couldn't hear them and I always feel the need to shout, but for the most part it worked brilliantly. I was incredibly touched that Steph, Jess, Lee and Laura had gathered in San Francisco and had set up a party complete with decorations, food and gifts and had coordinated with Jennie on  organizing the video chat.

The food - can you believe most of this is GF?!

When Jennie first sent around an email invitation to the shower, I insisted that she include those ladies even though I knew they couldn't make it. They all used to live in Sydney and I consider them part of my core group of Sydney friends even though they've since moved back to the states. Still, seeing them on the webcam via the TV was a wonderful surprise.

Handmade penguin bunting, a treasure for the nursery made by Jennie and Thor

Trivia!

Another highlight was the multimedia trivia game that Thor created just for the party. He generated nine rounds (one for every month of pregnancy) of baby-related picture, video and music trivia questions. The content was fun and right up my alley; in one round, Thor used photos of celebs with their children and then photoshopped out the mom so you had to name the celeb mama. In another round, we had to identify movies about babies based on parts of the movie poster. Answering the most number of questions correctly by a good margin, Lisa was the clear winner, but I felt like a winner, too, because the trivia was so much fun.

Of course another highlight was catching up with lady friends who I know and love from book club, TA and Google. It was so sweet of all of them to celebrate with me and bring such gorgeous, generous gifts. I've since had way too much fun looking at, organizing, washing and then reorganizing and putting away these beautiful baby things. I'm confident that our little person has everything now that s/he could want in regard to toys, books and clothes. I know, though, that what our baby wants most is love and I've got a lot of that ready, too.

Girls just wanna have fun

Hi, I'm the least threatening person you know!

As a white woman without multiple visible tattoos, I was pretty used to appearing approachable to the general population. I visited Australian schools often in my role at TA and though I always followed school protocols for signing in as a visitor at the head office, no one at the schools seemed to question for an instant my right to be there. I truly believe that if you look the part and act like you belong, you can slip in almost anywhere. I knew that I wasn't a crazy lady, but did the schools really know that?

Would you talk to this woman?

Anyway, I've recently learned that pregnancy makes an already non-threatening looking woman even more approachable. I was prepared for strangers to try to touch my belly and fortunately, that has yet to happen. I wasn't prepared for what has actually been happening for weeks: lots of strangers talking to me in public.

I suspect people feel more inclined to chat to an obviously pregnant stranger because, just by looking at her, they're aware of one of the most important parts of her life. Most people who have approached me have been friendly and kind: store clerks asking when I'm due, people in our building asking if I know whether my baby is male or female, etc. Sometimes, though, comments can be mildly rude or revealing. A man recently looked at me and said, "my kids are grown up. I don't envy you." Ummm... thanks? Minutes later, a woman in the elevator asked when I was due and said "my daughter is struggling with IVF." I wished her the best of luck and she thanked me when she got out at her floor. Perhaps when people feel they know something personal about me, they feel they can tell me something equally personal about their own lives.

I'm convinced that I'm more approachable than ever because strangers often ask me about things totally unrelated to my pregnancy. A man in a furniture store asked my opinion about a chair and lots more people than ever before ask me for directions on the street.

There were plenty of early weeks when my pregnancy was only my business, but when someone offered up his seat on the train at 24 weeks, I knew I was definitely showing. Pregnancy has relatively few perks so I eagerly accepted the seats offered by strangers on buses and trains. I find it interesting that it's usually women my age who offer me a seat, but I don't believe that chivalry or courtesy from men in Australia is lacking. Instead, I believe that women are far more observant than men, particularly of a bulging belly. Mickey insists that almost every woman we pass on the sidewalk checks me out.

When I assume a less telling shape, I wonder if I'll miss the attention and smiles from strangers. Who knows? Maybe my baby will attract more attention, questions and conversations than my belly currently does. What I might miss, though, is the mischievous feeling that I could walk into almost any store, steal anything and get away with it. After all, who would suspect the pregnant lady?

Babymoon

It was only relatively recently that I learned about the concept of a babymoon: a last vacation for a couple before their baby arrives and presumably changes the way they travel forever. A babymoon was a must do for me and Mickey because we've always enjoyed travel and when I left work, only one of us had to take time off.

Posing on the veranda at Capers before our dinner at Margan

We considered returning to one of our favorite destinations, Hawaii (a 10 hour direct flight from here), and I even entertained thoughts of travelling to SE Asia where some of my TA friends are now living and working. At 33 weeks pregnant, though, long hours in any seat (especially an airplane seat) does a number on my back and getting immunizations and trying to avoid a stomach bug in Asia didn't sound like a picnic either. So, we opted for a holiday much closer to home.

We hired a car and drove an hour and a half north of Sydney to Toowoon Bay, a coastal town just south of The Entrance and just north of Terrigal. We chose this spot because Thor and Jennie had recently raved about Kims Beachside Retreat, a resort there in Toowoon Bay whose accommodation packages include gourmet buffet meals. Did someone say buffet to a pregnant lady?

Pregnant lady at a buffet

As you might guess from the name, Kims boasts a spectacular location directly on the beautiful beach. Though beach bungalows were available, Mickey and I opted for a terrace which was slightly cheaper and afforded more privacy. The decor in our bungalow was dated and not especially stylish and thus left a bit to be desired considering the price, but it was comfortable, clean and had the best shower I've used. It was large enough for two, complete with two overhead nozzles and six side nozzles for spraying jets of water at the rest of your body. I felt guilty about the amount of water we wasted when we turned on every nozzle, but consoled myself with the knowledge that Sydney's drought is long over, right?

This past summer, like the last four, was pretty wet and we didn't once make it out to Bondi or Manly for a swim in the ocean. The weather gods must have smiled on our babymoon, though, because we enjoyed lots of sunshine and I insisted that we get in the water every day that we were staying at Kims. The temperature felt brisk at first, but it was lovely once you got in. I savored every moment of my buoyancy in the salty waves.

Mickey and I prepared ourselves for these massive buffet meals by swimming of course, and taking bush and coastal walks. These were fun, but I felt sorry for Mickey in that I could only go so far before getting too hot and tired and needing a rest. He was a great sport about taking it easy.

Handsome man on the beach at Toowoon Bay

After spending three nights at Kims, we packed up and drove along a country road to our next destination, Wollombi in the Hunter Valley. I'd driven through Wollombi several times, but had never stayed there. It's a very small town (consisting of pretty much just a 't' intersection) south of Cessnock and the tourist center of the Hunter Valley.

I chose a B&B there, Capers Guest House, that had a fantastic host, but was ultimately a disappointment. The spa room with a fireplace sounded delightful, but it was too warm for a fire and the spa tub didn't hold a candle to the bathing luxuries available at Kims. Likewise, the room didn't have a television and almost every piece of furniture was upholstered in the same granny floral print. Worst of all, I had an allergic reaction to something in that room and sneezed all night despite the best efforts of my pregnancy-approved antihistamines. Again, the food and friendliness were top-notch at Capers, but I can't get over my disappointment with the room or the dead frog I almost bumped into with my mouth in the pool there. Yuck.

Fortunately, there was plenty to do, eat and sip outside of Wollombi in the Hunter Valley. Mickey tasted some excellent wines at Iron Gate, a winery whose managers are very defensive of their decision to use corks instead of screw caps, the norm here in Oz. We brought home a couple of bottles that Mickey generously won't open until a glass of wine becomes part of my life again. Later, we enjoyed a fantastic lazy lunch at Bistro Molines, a mod Oz/French bistro with excellent views over the Hunter Valley and a charming shabby chic/French country interior punctuated by bunches of gorgeous fresh flowers. (Kims and Capers, take note!)

Charm at Bistro Molines

Mickey didn't seem to mind that I wasn't up for lots of wine tasting so we spent another afternoon poking around the shops and playing mini golf near the Hunter Valley Gardens. As it was Easter weekend, this area soon became packed. We tried to have lunch at a cafe in the shopping center, but the managers had literally locked the doors because they "had too many customers." They told us to try again in thirty minutes. Oh, Australian customer service, you never cease to astound me.

The highlight of this leg of the trip was our dinner at Margan. The 15km stretch of road from Capers to Margan in Broke was windy, partially unpaved and especially treacherous in the dark. Mickey and I left the music off and gave all our concentration to looking out for roos and turning the highbeams on and off when we encountered other vehicles (which was rare). Fortunately, we made it safely to and from the restaurant and the meal we enjoyed there was worth all of the trouble. The focus of the menu is seasonal, locally-produced food (some of it grown/raised right there at the winery), the service was excellent and the price was very reasonable considering the quality of the food.

Very happy at Margan

To cap it all off, we saw not one but two families dining there with extremely well-behaved young children. I found this very encouraging to think that this babymoon was not our absolute last opportunity to enjoy travel and dining for the next eighteen years. Indeed, I try to remember what my friend and former boss Christina said about life with young children. She said that people tell you to enjoy your life now because your life is pretty much over when a baby shows up, but she says to ignore these people. With a young baby you obviously can't go out every night, but with some thoughtful planning, she said, you can still have the life you want. I can live with that.

The Ultimate Birth Playlist

in front of the hospital gift shop, 36 weeks

In preparation for the moment when Mickey and I need to dash (or arrive leisurely) to the hospital for the birth of our baby, we've been studying checklists of items that belong in your hospital bag. Some of those items seem pretty obvious: toiletries, socks, etc., while others surprised me: lollipops to give the laboring mom energy, a swim suit for the partner so that he can support you in the shower.

We've also heard that you're welcome to bring CDs or an iPod and dock/speakers in order to listen to relaxing music or any type of music that might make labor slightly easier for the new mother. Though I hadn't thought about this before, I'm certainly willing to try anything that will make my birth experience feel more comfortable. A friend indicated that listening to her hypnobirthing CDs over and over again during labor and through contractions actually was very helpful.

So, for a while now, I've had "create the ultimate birth playlist" at the top of my to do list and I sort of don't know where to begin. The thought of creating a soundtrack to accompany one of the most alternately intense, boring, exciting, painful, emotional experiences of my life is both daunting and hilarious.

I guess relaxing music makes sense because a woman's labor progresses more efficiently when she feels comfortable. So, does that mean Enya? What about that wood flute music they play at day spas? Are there moments in labor when you want to hear upbeat music to motivate you through the pushing? I'm trying to imagine myself laboring to "Eye of the Tiger" or Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" (oh, we're halfway there!). Would that help or would I just want to punch somebody?

Alternatively, what kind of music might set a good tone for a C-section? I'm hoping that I won't require one, but if I do, what songs might make me most okay with having major abdominal surgery while awake? I've heard that the experience is surreal for many reasons, one of which is that a C-section is pretty routine for the surgeons and they sometimes discuss weekend golf plans while performing them. Meanwhile, the new mom is numb from the chest down during one of the most critical moments of her life. Should she distract herself by listening to surgeon chatter or focus on her partner and the soothing sounds of say, Norah Jones? I've always felt that listening to "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles can improve any situation so maybe that belongs on my playlist somewhere.

Years ago I heard about a woman who watched The Simpsons during labor and delivery. That always struck me as odd, but maybe television is a better distraction than music is. Mickey loaded our tablet up with episodes of my current favorite show Parks and Recreation so that I have the option to watch that at the hospital. Because watching the show makes everything less scary to me because it reminds me to not take life so seriously, it felt like the right choice.

Perhaps the more amusing question to contemplate is what do I absolutely NOT want to hear during labor and delivery? I enjoyed creating the 'do not play' list for our deejay for our wedding reception: no Disney, no Celine Dion, no Chicken Dance, etc. It tickles me to come up with songs that would be totally inappropriate for birthing: "Monster Mash" and anything you might hear at a Halloween parade, "Achy Breaky Heart" and any song that has its own dance, "Mambo Number Five," etc.

What about you? What's on your ultimate birth playlist? What wouldn't you want to hear? Ladies who have been there before, feel free to give me a reality check and tell me that there are parts of labor and delivery during which background music makes absolutely no difference.